Friday, December 31, 2004
last training of 2004...
hah i tink this is the hardest i've trained since the whole hols...finally i feel the jest to train hard and chiong all the way...though winning may not be everythin but somehow its the goal of winning tt pushes u to train for anythin. but whether u win or not in the end doesn't realli matter, its more of the lessons learnt, the frenships forged. leads me to think abt all sports teams, or juz general teams. its quite amazing how ppl of different background and race and religion and bla bla can come together and bond as a team juz by simply having one thing - a common interest and goal. don't i sound like my squash career is ending. haha. but i tink its juz a new "beginning" for me a 2nd chance.
actually by this time i'm typing this its 2.15am 31st Dec 2004. haha so Happy New Yr in advanced, since i wun be back tonight.
a lot of things happened this past yr. new sch, new team, new frens etc, even wad u can call a new YE, but our God hasn't changed. i'm realli thankful for all these things and people...esp. my cell group. its great seeing them mature and grow in the Lord.
if any of u read this...Amanda, Shu, Mel, Rach, Shir, Sophia, Audrey, Cass, Yan Leen, Hui Min. u guys haf been great help and support thruout the yr. Love you guys!. when i first joined YE 3 yrs back, i wouldn't haf imagined us to improve this much this fast.
i tink the combined camp played a big part, at least to me coz i tink it has led me closer to God. those who were in my group when i was sharing on the 3rd morning should know what i realli mean. He taught me a lot of things thru planning e camp as well. God realli does work wonders. With no experience in planning any camp at all, i was given the job of asst. commandant but everythin turned out successful in the end.
sec3 was my lowest period, when i was facing the reality of retaining, but he gave me strength to go the v. last stretch and pass my reexams to advance to sec4. it was shaky. even my teachers doubted my ability to qualify for a JC since i was getting a straight 36 pts every exam. He did give me enuff discipline to pass my 'O's. The fact that i went into AC thru appeal did cause a few ppl's unhappiness, even the one closest to me at tt time. but somehow i met Xiaohui, who pulls me back on the right track whenever i'm going off due to distractions or other stuffs. i seriously never studied tt hard for anythin b4...haha i studied like mad for my promos. and i believe as long as u did ur part and put in ur best effort, leave the rest to God. :)
though there are still many questions going on in my mind, i tink this yr is one of the most memorable in my life, in a gd way. haha and i hope nx yr would b even beta.
"Impossible is nothin"
Juannnn [1:49 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Thursday, December 30, 2004
meaningful?
so many things ran thru my mind the past few hours i wun be able to write them down. but i tink i have a clearer idea of how i wan to look at things such that it makes my life more meaningful and others happy. and it juz appeared to me that frenships and relationships are actually v. fragile. they can be easily spoilt merely by someone spreading stupid stuffs, truths and untruths, mayb tts y its easy to haf many frens, but how many are realli true to u. is it so easy for someone to lose interest in a frenship that appeared to have trust etc. juz like that?. my fren's blog read this "true love does not mean possession or jealousy, but generosity". i tink it applies juz as well to frenships too. yea, promises are meant to be kept, but sometimes keeping the truth may chance someone's path in life for gd, for better or for worse. its v. subjective.
tuition again today, much clearer abt some parts os organic chem...plus i got my b-day pressie. haha thx Mao Yuan. for folding e 300-400 stars plus e shoelaces and e earrings. thx to everyone else too, who gave me presents and cards for my b-day and christmas haha quite a long list coz its 2 occasions so i shan't list all the names k. in case i leave out some ppl and they tink i have forgotten them. :)
met Sarah, Myrtle, Joel, Mel Png, Gerald and Yan Leen for Kungfu Hustle later...with the USUAL ppl being LATE. haha its quite an ok show...its funny but i guess theres not much of a plot.
realised theres this sudden craze for the who m i song by casting crowns. haha like amanda's blog, and ppl are asking if i got the song. but i guess it ministers to a lot of ppl. somehow after listening to it. u feel as though u realli do haf a clearer vision of who u are. and ur purpose in life. haha...better sleep earlier for my last training of the yr tml.
"theres a very thin line between love and hatred, happiness and disappointment"
Juannnn [12:25 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
boring...
today was quite sianned...i woke up late first thing in the morning thx to my maid...who OFFed all THREE of my ALARMS. woke up at 10.20am when my tuition at DEPOT RD was at 11am. spend money take cab again...joined wei fen, her bf and this guy called timothy frm CJC for math tuition today...finally i got down to learning some new math stuffs this hols. Integration is cnofusing man!. or mayb i juz dun haf enuff brain juice to digest it. haha...
then i had to trudge my way to harbour front supposed to meet Dav for lunch while waiting for Sarah Teo again. when i realised i forgot to bring my house key in my hurry...so i had no straight bus back frm harbour front. Tts how Sarah n i ended up taking a bus to Holland V to our "star bucks" to apparently study. and just as Joel msg me saying he juz finished playing LAN with SJC ppl...we turned the corner and met the whole group of them - Ivan Caleb David Brenda Gabriel and Joel. ya so there i go looking at all of them eat lunch.
seriously had a hard time trying to conc. doing my work after tt man...i wonder how i'm gonna be disciplined enuff to study for my As.
anyway...i pulled outta the India thingy...yea Gerald if u read this. i had no choice lar...my Coach called me up this morning demanding why i din turn up for training at all...then i said i need time to think and he lectured me saying wad time left when trials are nx week. then he asked for an ans there and then. i asked God wad i should choose...and to stay was the ans tt gave me peace of a mind...coz i realised even if i said yes. i wouldn't be able to commit...not at least for the rest of the week. i tink putting squash arnd ur life is a better choice than putting ur life arnd squash...coz i still haf so many other commitments like studies and church and other things...i've been thinking, what level of squash i should keep to when i leave JC...leisure? club? national?. looks like i juz closed the door to the 3rd option. Mr Tan's been bugging me to play for the premier league for Safra...but i'm seriously not up to standard...but leisure on the other hand wun fufil wad i realli wanna get achieve in squash. should i give it another shot at Milo tourney nx yr?. when i walked frm SC's tennis courts...disappointed i din get a chance to try...till i reached the squash courts where i juz accompanied my fren to try out...i din seee all these ahead of me. For now...my goal is juz to conc. at sch level to win the glory back for AC nx yr.
as i was stoning at star bucks juz now...tot of a few resolutions for the yr 2005. haha
1) improve on my walk with God
2) be nicer to my family and frens
3) practise my piano at least 1 half hour per sch day and pass my exam!
4) pay attention during ALL lessons. (ok minus pervertic LSP's)
5) go for training and run all tt madam wans us to run...
6) STUDY during free periods and not stone
7) be more disciplined in everythin
8) practise my drums whenever possible
9) improve on piano and drums for worship
10) SAVE money.
11) Be more organised and pack my stuffs regularly
12) Do more. Tolerate more. Complain less.
tts all for now...more to be added haha
Juannnn [12:34 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Gamble on God...He's the only sure thing
i was juz readnig the daily journal and it happened tt 27th Dec wrote this...felt it applied much to my life now...recalling wad Gerald said earlier..."if u're unsure, juz pray and toss a coin"...the first thing tt came back to my mind was this yr's intersch...the day b4 our crucial semis. we prayed as a team. over a box with all our names...then we picked our lineup...it looked totally crazy. sth no one would ever put coz the odds of us losing were 80%...so we changed one player..and tt cost us our entry to the finals...coz we din haf faith in him...tt unlikely lineup would've brought us to the finals...we lost 3-2...but following the lineup we prayed for. we would've won 3-2...mayb even 4-1...God's been very gd to us...or rather me...since sec1...he made my whole squash "career" seem like a breeze...saw me thru intersch, the m'sia tourneys...juz a little lame thought "SCGS prays and asks God to let them win, MGS prays the same thing. How does God decide who wins." haha...sleepy...i shall go sleeep
Juannnn [2:19 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Orchard...AGAIN.
this is like the dunno how many time i've been to orchard in a week. everytime to meet a diff. person...tsk. haha anyway i wanted to Strangle Singying already.
supposed to meet at 12.30. and she msg me saying she's still QUEUEING at the bank when i walked outta the house. happened tt Nick the ah pek was walking out too so i had company to far east. poor guy. sick- coughin flu fever and still going out to "enjoy" the last of his freedom b4 NS. haha. anyway. luckily i din wait v. long.
went for lunch after tt...and shopping...yea and we talked a lot abt our problems and stuffs...everytime go out with her end up spending haha. ya i bought a new skirt. and eating. sigh sigh. met a lot of ppl lar. like my squash juniors and stuffs even Albert. someone i haven talked to for like 2 yrs...ppl do change a lot...
been packing my room since juz now. without much success. but at least more organised...i was juz looking thru photos and cards and stuff. bringing back memories of the past. haha.
Gerald came and tried to talk his "sense" to me abt e India thingy...it made sense...yea like God gave me skill in squash for a purpose...yea i learnt a lot since i picked it up. discipline...even lessons of life....but is this realli the path God wans me to take. to go for this India tourney...at the expense of my studies etc. I agree with wad he said...to put all ur troubles and worries into God's hands and ur life's path will be v. clear cut. It is simple to say tt...but harder to put it into action...i'm trying...
I realised i haven felt this troubeld for a v. long time...it feels quite terrible...to be hanging somewhere in midair. not knowing whether u'll fall or u'll be safe. i guess time will tell. praying helps...but u need to wait to get an ans too...ppl walk in and outta ur life...but dun all these happen gradually...not immediately. its as though u fall asleep and awake to a whole new world...a whole new era of ur life where everythin's changed. for better or for worse.
5 more days to sch...i hope everythin'll be back to normal by then...but its a v. v. big HOPE. can't believe this but yea i miss sch life...u're bz till u haf no time to think abt ur troubles...they juz solve by themselves...everyday is like a whole new chapter in ur life coz so many things happen funny or sad...
anyway...thx Gerald...for tt email to cheer me up...its realli cute.
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt,
Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am…
I am Yours…I am Yours
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
And watch me rise again,
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am...
I am Yours
"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life"-John 8:12
Juannnn [1:38 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Monday, December 27, 2004
stuffs...
a lot of things running thru my mind since juz now...squash and other stuffs
mao yuan's questions on my actual motives of taking the steps to go India made me ponder...Wads my reason for going to India? the onli ans u can think of is like get "reputation" and don Singapore colours. which is pure superficial coz these are all material things. i seriously dun tink i'll enjoy the trip there esp. when i'm gonna be all alone with 3 not so close girl frens in a foreign land...so wad if i get to don Singapore colours...i dun tink it'll make any change in my life. at least not to me...mayb change how others look at me. but if tts the case. ppl are being very superficial too. Izzit worth going there for "reputation" and risking my studies. I keep asking myself. why would God give me this opening...its not the first time...i tried the first time. and din make it to nat. squad...i declined the 2nd....would i be happy giving up the 3rd time and juz keep squash to sch level...i feel as though i would be letting my coach down...i tink partly why he wans me to join s badly is coz he wans some "Face" still. yea though its a selfish reason but i can understand why too. coz ofthe politics here... another question. "what would i gain?"...izzit neccessary to make sure that in wadeva i do...i must gain sth? probably i'll gain international exposure...but if my future does not show a path of me venturing into playing squash as a pro sport for SG. why take this fore step. i'm confused.d...
not onli coz of this...coz of other things also...i tink i'm v. lucky to haf frens arnd me that are willing to listen and support me thru...but i realised people can onli give u advice...but ur path is made by ur decisions...and no one else's. How much would one give for a frenship?...How much would one give for squash?... How much would one give for studies...?. its 2.30am and i'm sleepy and tired...wadeva i say might not make sense but there is a reason for it.
I keep asking myself, why doesn't everythin in life go smoothly...but on the other hand, if its so smooth sailing, no one would getthe chance to experience God's love, his importance, and his guidance..He puts us thru all these problems and temptations in an attempt to stear us towards the correct path in life...
Juannnn [2:20 AM]
___makee a wiish___
SORRY DERRICK. if u happen to read this. haha. ya for injuring ur ankle and hitting u at the spot between ur rib cages. ya i forgot the name. :p who ask u to spray me with ur super soaker first.
Juannnn [12:59 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Christmas isn't Christmas...
i dun really rem. wad i was talking yest...kinda drowsy when i reached myrtle's house. haha. anyway three of us ended up sleeping on her 2 two-seater sofas. yea as anyone can guess SARAH TEO PIGHEAD took ONE sofa. leaving poor myrtle and i to share the other. slept arnd 5am...and we all woke moaning to our alarm clocks at 9am...if not we'd be late for church...luckily i had wad shirley would call "dial-a-dad" service. haha.
i tink we left the house 1 hour after i got home...to queensway...to buy my bro's sch shoes. yea he's finally growing old. haha sec1 nx yr...and i bought a pair of superstars as well.b4 going church for our v. v. last dance prac...
dance...i tink everyone seriously put in their best and we did well overall. :) yea. Valentina, Mel Png and Joel were nice enuff to come and support us...and ya..i was super sleepy during sermon lar. probably the short hours of sleep. or izzit the usual reason. haha.
more christmas pressies again...as my mum said. you get so many u also gotta give so many... got another personalised mug frm Yan Leen and Gerald...thx!!! and also to everyone who gave me pressies.
juz got back frm orchard...went for dinner with Gerald Yan Leen Sarah Debra Myrtle Martin Paul Nicholas Ian Shir and Louis...Martin juz simply caught some laughin disease today lar. and i kinda got it frm him. He juz couldn't stop laughin...and we went Meridien food court playing this number game and Nicholas , Martin, Sarah, Shir and Paul had to down loads of water...
The Christmas "testimonies" frm YE ppl got me thinking abt the true meaning of christmas...a time our Saviour was born...yea i guess everyone is expected to be happy. i m...mayb for tt moment, superficially...coz this christmas has been realli meaningful to me...and i tink also to YE, but it doesn't mean coz its christmas everything else on ur mind is erased...all ur problems b4 christmas are still there...though u should put them into the hands of the Lord and trust in him...but somehow u still can't help thinking abt it here and there...since He hasn't answered ur prayer...
Juannnn [10:40 PM]
___makee a wiish___
the stranded story(courtesy of myrtle)
fell asleep after the last entry...but stupid chonghui had to jump on me and poke me awake. grr. fun seeing all my cousins again. food was gd man...argh. eating so much...then i left at 9 plus to meet Sarah Teo PIGHEAD and Myrtleeee...
we roamed arnd frm city hall till orchard...yea and at 11pm we managed to SHOP. haha and this is how the stranded story started... yea we happily walked to the mrt at 11.45 and we took the LAST TRAIN frm SOMERSET. BUT when we reached city hall. we MISSED the LAST TRAIN there to BOON LAY. and we met joel pang and derrick and jeremy and we stood arguing abt how to go home at midnight at the station. and i found out my EZ link EXPIRED!!! ARGH. yea so we ended up taking a cab frm city hall to farrer court and then to boon lay. yup. 1am by now. haha. and we're at myrtle's house slacking laughin at her funny, wierd smelling clothes. haha. after showering so fresh and dry and clean and nice smelling...and we're eating chocs and drinking punch. gonna watch VCD!!!. ok. seriously an enjoyable christmas with a wierd stranded story to end with.. title courtesy of myrtle again.
Juannnn [2:04 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Merry Christmas!!!
so sleepy lar...i woke up at 8am today to meet shu mel amanda for breakfast. ya and sarah rach martin shir and ian were late. b4 going to st. james. their service was gd...but i tink Sarah tinks the reception was better. haha.
got the wierdest gifts this yr man. like some POWERPUFF book frm Caleb. but it was nice seeing everyone again...after the camp.
now i'm at home rotting waiting for my cousins to come. a few of my relatives are here already. mah jonging away. bored...
Juannnn [3:33 PM]
___makee a wiish___
Friday, December 24, 2004
Christmas Eve
i tink this is the first time since i started squash i trained on Christmas Eve. yea and as u can guess it was like shit lar. i m aching like mad now...individual juz kills me within 1 hour...Mr Yang was quite "lenient" considering how long i din train already...well. no pain no gain. i should go run 8km soon again...
this might also probably be the most fruitful christmas eve i had...carolling with Ye. It was satisfying seeing how happy the old folks are...they might appear unfrenly. but when u go up and talk to them u realise they're juz so happy to see ppl come and sing for them. yea and there was this old lady who tried to BITE my hand. she also slapped mel's butt! haha. the festive mood is in the air...
then there was this super cute old lady who complained to us that she din like her roommate 2 beds away. haha. and some of them can speak english. it was damn fun but yet enriching lar. they're all so lonely there feel so sad for them...
after going to those 2 old folks homes...everyone was juz tired and hot but happy...then i went to woodlands to meet my mummy!. finally got the fossil watch. hee. it was packed with ppl lar. can't imagine orchard. loads of sales going on...i wanna go mangooo.
got a few more pressies today. Shir's present's so sweeet. its this Giodarno GREEN tank top with her own personalised "words" HANDWRITTEN by her...thx!.
i'm TIRED again. looks like i'll neva get my sch work done lar. and at the rate i'm gonna train. i can forget abt passing my A levels. Being Bz realli keeps ur mind off stuffs that u dun wanna think abt. or more like dun like to think abt...
Juannnn [11:20 PM]
___makee a wiish___
Thursday, December 23, 2004
feeling v. full and sleepy. after a sumptuous feast at Tab's house. haha...i tink onli half of 4GY turned up. but even so it was great seeing everyone after so long. Khe was as rubbish as usual and attacking poor irene. haha and we had exchange of presents!. ya and i got a pair of LONG dangling earrings. which are longer than my hair -_-.
end up going orcahrd at 1pm. coz Dav's interview which was SUPPOSED to start at 8am. ended at 12. yea and gd news is. i finished buying ALL the PRESENTS!.finally. tired and broke but satisfied.
yay~ tml's christmas eve... everyone seems to be in the festive mood...and i dun feel like training. our christmas break is onli one training less :(
Loads of stuffs still running thru my mind...sigh sigh.
"For I have put my TRUST in you, show me the way I should go"-Psalm143:8-10
Juannnn [11:14 PM]
___makee a wiish___
Yawn~
I'm so sleeepy. and its juz early morning...wrapping some of the presents b4 going to meet Dav who's apparently stuck in an interview. supposed to meet at 11 lor. i'm so bored. n i'm supposed to be at kallang training frm 5-8pm. but i had to have 4GY class party tonight...this is bad...all this crap abt commitment and stuffs. nvm. i shall be gd and go for training nx week onwards. i wanna go running arnd Bukit Panjang again...
Juannnn [11:19 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Tired!!!
Its midnight and i juz reached home...so tired!. i woke up late this morning...at 8.30. when my frenly's at 9. and there was sth crappily wrong with my service...but luckily it got better. got to play with my juniors again...i miss my sc team...haha seeing them today brought back memories of the times we would train hard together and go out for lunch after tt...
Went to Bugis with Fong after tt...buying up somemore christmas pressies..wah i'm super broke lar. haha i tink i dun need to eat for the nx month lar. somehow i was juz feeling dizzy the whole day and after walking arnd for 2 hours plus...we were TIRED man...
then i went to church. apparently to meet SARAH TEO. haha but as usual...you could guess...she was LATE :). yea and we were supposed to "study" and "do work" but i tink it was quite redundant. sigh. my hw not completed and theres only one week +++ to sch reopen!. the thought of being J2 is quite scary now that u think of it...less than 1 yr to my a levels and my J1 foundation is not even there. now still gotta add J2 stuffs. its driving me crazy. in fact i tink its driving most J1s crazy...so stresss...
Carolling was fun...first time i see a small group of us gather juz to practise for christmas. I think YE is really taking a big step to improve...and we're doing it well!.and then back to orchard for supper with Gerald Yan Leen Shir Tim and Moses...
My coach pulled me to join the trials for the India U19 girls tourn in Jan...it's been on my mind for quite a few weeks already but i really dun have a confirmed ans to myself. Firstly my studies to think of. secondly my standard now is realli cannot make it lar. the other 3 girls train like everyday and here i m slacking in sch training...and training for the trials are 5-8pm EVERYDAY lar. total madness...should i commit or not? i realli dunno...:(
A lot of things have changed and it doesn't seem like its for the better now...wish life could return to b4...go back to sec sch where everythin seems so innocent and fun and carefree....
Juannnn [5:00 PM]
___makee a wiish___
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Shackles...
yay! we completed the dance finally~. I think considering we're not dancers everyone did a great job already. haha 12 to 5 is seriously quite a long time.
went to Ikea and queensway with Sarah Yan Leen Gerald Nicholas Rach and Martin...and i cleared up a bit more of the never ending christmas list~. but there are still ppl to buy for. sigh.no money already lar. so miserable until Sarah and i had to bargain with some uncle at queensway...
after which, we chionged all the way to Gerald's house juz for the sake of getting the duck rice at his house b4 it was sold out. haha it was gd...but i already ate it for luncH!.yea and Gerald Yan Leen Nick and i ended up playing mah jong in his house b4 i had to go...
Loads of things happened lately. why is everything so complicated. i tink simplicity for sometime would be gd...
btw. SARAH TEO PIG HEAD also wans to be featured here!. haha. so here u are. competing with the other one featured earlier.
ok i better end off...frenly tml...
Juannnn [11:56 PM]
___makee a wiish___
:)
yay~ managed to create links...i feel a sense of achievement considering how html illiterate i m...
btw. PIGHEAD Caleb wans to be featured in this post. so here goes...haha. Caleb eats everythin. and consoles ppl by saying. when u're afraid. juz think of my SMILE.
Juannnn [1:28 AM]
___makee a wiish___
Bored
Hey!. This is my first entry...thx to Joel haha...who helped me create this blog. Its 1am now and i'm feeling rather Bored. so yea Danvin i am WRITING sth.
Met up with Abz earlier this afternoon...thx for the present! and we juz went slackin arnd looking for christmas pressies which caused a big hole in my pocket :(.
But nvm. christmas is the season of GIVING right.
Juannnn [12:50 AM]
___makee a wiish___
